Nightmare

Sometimes I have to question my own Questions –
Second guessing what I think, then hoping that My conclusion is some kind of rationale. In truth, I cannot really ever trust my own instincts as sometimes I think the most ridiculous things that at the time are perfectly reasonable to me.

I think I am the personification of what a bloody nightmare would look like if you could write it down on paper. It’s so hard to keep track of everything and I suppose I’m reasonably lucky to have a half-reasonable intelligence to try to make logic of it all.

How can you trust your own logic when by definition, you are capable of illogical thoughts that seem reasonable? The signs are there but sometimes alas, it is impossible. It is a nightmare. There is no other word for it.

Pushing People Away

I experience Love Everyday;
I reach out to touch it,
To see the essence of friends
In warm embrace is heartening.

No more than a stroll away
Their smiles are infectious;
They glide through the air
To reach what they have been seeking.

The second-hand experience –
I love seeing people happy;
But I wonder if this is enough
To be happy Inside artificially.

The crying ache of an opposite –
A loveable soul that I would tell everything.
It has never been further away;
And when I reach out,
I See myself, everyday.

It has never been enough;
It never will be enough;
While in the surrounding embrace
We move away together.

Learning

Well 2017 is just around that familiar corner,

So what have I learned?

What can I bring into the new year to guide me?

It’s odd, but the same answer crops up.

I bring myself; that is achievement enough.

Conversation

​”You don’t talk very much, do you?”

“I think I talk enough.”

“I don’t hear you talk that often at all.”

“Are my lack of words strange to you?”

‘No. No not really but…”

“you see, social anxiety is tough. But over many years

I have learnt that being in rooms with strangers

And acting normal is a completely pointless endeavour;

You look more socially anxious. So, 

I hover, picking up conversations that interest me and

Choose my words very, very carefully so that I have 

Meaning and purpose to a group of people. With this,

I enjoy talking to people more often and begin to accept

That while I am still mentally insecure, I can play a part

And still accept that I am essentially unique.

You see, I’m not ashamed of being different, but if

Planning ahead means that I can enjoy the company

Of strangers and friends that little bit more, then 

I am content to hover and silently choose.”

…………………

“But thanks for noticing.”