Bipolar stuggle with Others

If there was someway to have another chance
I would explain the pain that affects my mind
Causing you to see me badly at first glance
Yet without your understanding I am blind.

I am a product of my experience
Of acting a certain way towards people –
At times I may seem like I’m delirious
Though when I’m in my state I really can’t tell.

Is there really anyway to show you this?
To fight through my struggles and glimpse through the sheet?
Bipolar is difficult; you don’t process
With regularity; Midtones with concrete.

You know this, I know this; but it’s not easy
To accept a life knowing my moods don’t stay –
They whisk around and follow me completely;
I wake and see you, so face another day.

 

 

Confusing Day In The Life Of A Nobody

Hello? Can you see me? Thought not.
Of course, this is the way it should be,
As it always will. I transform and shed –
My skin – A part of what hides me.
As much as I can tell, this invisible
Sideways motion impacts little. Stand –
In the corner – amused by the rush,
The panic of generations; wow!
Hiya. Greetings from nowhere; Look –
Towards the end of the road; eternity
That spills over to the other side,
Twisting and crunching into place.
I can see this clearly; marble eyes –
Unfazed by the bloom of noise.

For one day only I see everything.

Nobody is better than somebody
Who grows old, takes pain and yearns.
Somebody is better than everybody –
In unison with the mechanical life;
Glaring over the land with suspicion.

For today I am a Nobody; Tomorrow –
I settle down and probably chat.
I join the community and become…
Whatever they tell me.

Two way

Keeping tabs on laughter
Holding on to purse strings
Limiting desire –
You know it’s all I want to do now,
You know it’s all I want to see –
How, making me feel easy
Blanking out with staring
Watching for the first hand –
We share exactly what we want now,
We share out memories and time –
Show, hiding all our good days
Beating up with talking
Hurting from the inside –
My struggle kills off my true feelings
My struggle ends my hopes and dreams –
Seems, hating all the movement
Shielded from the real life
Laying down and sleeping.

As We Set

Blue veil of promising warmth
Holding everything inside,
Beaming through the radiance
Searing lifeforce far and wide.

Red patterns of stained heat,
A mark of seasons length.
Sweeping down to strike you
For tagging on to strength.

The white air of day
Draws you in with light,
Seagulls know the true
Path – Try as they might.

Grey matter floating –
Blending into chalk
To create madness
Within careless talk.

Deep rouge without foundation
Blanketing the walls in silence.
Mixing everything in place
Within the compound balance.

And then we go to sleep,
To dream of merrier times –
Between the conscious.

Do or Die

 

Freezing over a lifeless event
A photo of imagination,
Reality is a memory of static
With tape to bind you.

Lying is such a hurtful embrace
A burning eye of unsightly Green,
Fantasy is walking forever without hope
With friends to hold you.

Clinging on to what matters the most
A mutual, unfamiliar hand,
Freedom is choosing to be happy at this time
Without the worry.

In the Maze

The compulsory entrance begins
In beats and growls; It breathes
With your motion, Understanding time
And dimension are out.

Stuttering in an endless Circle
With overgrown Orchards,
Reminding you of your location
And why you are now here.

I suppose in life we all get Lost
Ending up where we are.
Indeed, I see everyone standing –
Guessing what to do next.

Walk

I laid my skin from meadow fields
Streaming rivers and life-blood unveiled
Gold-sparkling puddles, footprints of heart
A chosen memory, a work of Art.

Journey Towards Completion

If at the end of the process I tried
To account for my actions, then I write
This testament, for my life is finite
And people must know what became of light
That showed me the real danger; Parasite,
When all my hopes of parity had dried.

Just as always, we started with promise
By shaking hands and offering hors d’oeuvres.
In all frankness I experienced nerves
Like none other; Oddly when I observed
Their drive, the passion filled me with a verve
Which provided false confidence; flawless.

Continuous laughter kept me relaxed
In a wooden environment; they hold
Onto my arm with a grip of steel; Cold
Greetings from dying bodies, I feel sold
Surrounded by mahogany; unfold
Their meaning – true purpose; I was attacked.

Just as now, my body craved the meaning
And allowed others to fill in the gaps.
Weak, foolish with a soft heart; But perhaps
I somehow allowed the embrace to trap
My direction; cementing in the cracks
With a suffocation; Heavy breathing.

Am I still, only talking to Myself?
After all, this idea of perfection
Is always tainted by the direction
That one chooses to go; For affection
Is granted for not asking the Questions;
It’s a concept that should be on a shelf.

The brightness is an outside perspective
That shows its true colours when you enter.
Selfishness; seemingly in the centre
Offers the chance for a perfect shelter,
But its rotten to the core; December
Was when I stopped being so suggestive.

We don’t work (with a feeling)

There I am, standing against the wall
Holding up the foundations; stand tall
is the cry – Hold on if you can.
I look through the window; duplicate –
Struggling with an impossible weight
That will surely take the house down.
What’s this I hear? I can talk clearly
Listen to myself most sincerely
Socialising was no great chore.
When all else failed, my double would start
No obstacle would pull us apart –
Yet society came second.
Here I am, banging my fists with force,
It’s a shame I can’t seek a divorce
From my inner nature, who laughs.
A snigger and a cry; dual meaning
Then change; blank stare and so unfeeling –
Sometimes I hate being myself.
We are all made in a polar light
That feels its way to the surface; fight
With a passion; yet I am us.

Between the veil

Dandilion and burdock sunset
Along a thousand memory alleyway,
So tranquil and without bedlam
Within the soft lucence of the twilight.

Still I tour, treading with appetite
At the reflection within the fracture
That heals with each passing day –
I beam at the abundance of retention.

Mindful – And eager to evidence more,
The stroll widened into an eclipse
That took me beyond my comfort zone.
No longer did I remain stable; Midnight.

Faster in stride, more complex in movement
Skipping past stones and pavement splinters
Without grace; yesterdays downpour
Harvesting the growth of inertia.

Still, relentless obscurity of night
Covering the land with a hazy mist
That shrouds the layers of brighter steps
To replace, quite indiscriminately.

Glance up, a lighthouse, a guided path
To show the way, like it always has –
Turning, obscuring and disappearing
But always returning; My guardian angel.

Why do you have to leave me in shadow?
Indeed, your return is slow and afflicting –
A beam of sentiment that you share
By encompassing and reflecting my glow.

By tomorrow you will be but a circle –
Forgotten, bystander in nature’s whim.
But I dwell upon your affecting radiance
And I hunt for you between the veil.