The Filth That I Clean Up

I don’t see why you’re laughing,
Indeed, all of this is your fault. Look –
Everything is in its place, ready for you to see.
I am done cleaning up the mess of your past.

I blame you for the restless nights,
Understanding only the need to run and hide –
While everything falls apart and blends,
Until you return to smudge the surface.

Still I clean, washing away with what was prescribed –
With little comprehension of the stains.
All that I see is the dirty hands of elevation,
Feeding me and draining me.

I am powerless to resist the mirror-image;
The side that everyone knows and loves.
‘Great fun’ they say, ‘Life and soul’
And ready to collapse into the filth that I clean up.

Pushing People Away

I experience Love Everyday;
I reach out to touch it,
To see the essence of friends
In warm embrace is heartening.

No more than a stroll away
Their smiles are infectious;
They glide through the air
To reach what they have been seeking.

The second-hand experience –
I love seeing people happy;
But I wonder if this is enough
To be happy Inside artificially.

The crying ache of an opposite –
A loveable soul that I would tell everything.
It has never been further away;
And when I reach out,
I See myself, everyday.

It has never been enough;
It never will be enough;
While in the surrounding embrace
We move away together.

Learning

Well 2017 is just around that familiar corner,

So what have I learned?

What can I bring into the new year to guide me?

It’s odd, but the same answer crops up.

I bring myself; that is achievement enough.

Red Loop

​I wiped my brow and sobbed –

Everything is clean and fresh.

Today, the machine was complete;

A portal into the past, wow!

I will choose simplicity; two days ago –

I would still be working, finishing up;

What a surprise I would be to myself!

The strain of completion drains us all,

We obsess with perfection; dull pain

And headaches bleeding into the corner.

Ah yes, two days ago, how could I forget –

A test run to warm the components 

Complete with Shiny metal contortions.

I don’t remember why I struck out,

Just seemed unnatural, crawling through

With arm extended – grinning horror.

I just kept hitting until all stopped

And there lay a pool of my future.

Had to forget…keep believing….

Change the subject and remove the stains

That fate is surely nonsense… breakdown

Of atoms that can change in seconds.

Momentarily I was not myself;

Should never have been so close

To the hammer….my eyes were alive!

Heart was beating, pounding –

And then all was quiet. Success.

I will offer my hand in friendship and smile

And it will finally be over.

Conversation

​”You don’t talk very much, do you?”

“I think I talk enough.”

“I don’t hear you talk that often at all.”

“Are my lack of words strange to you?”

‘No. No not really but…”

“you see, social anxiety is tough. But over many years

I have learnt that being in rooms with strangers

And acting normal is a completely pointless endeavour;

You look more socially anxious. So, 

I hover, picking up conversations that interest me and

Choose my words very, very carefully so that I have 

Meaning and purpose to a group of people. With this,

I enjoy talking to people more often and begin to accept

That while I am still mentally insecure, I can play a part

And still accept that I am essentially unique.

You see, I’m not ashamed of being different, but if

Planning ahead means that I can enjoy the company

Of strangers and friends that little bit more, then 

I am content to hover and silently choose.”

…………………

“But thanks for noticing.”

Tragic loss – Up and Down

I wonder
How people fly within themselves to be stronger, to grip those wings and carry on
past the sky, With Floating colours streaming down through our lives
Gliding high
Grounded pathways, true –
It was not for you.

We see him
When sun shines bright to pierce our hearts we remember, of all the highs afflicted us
Like a drug, A burst of reasons not to follow it through
Highs and lows
Yes, we know the path –
It was not to last.

I fear her
In equal measure holding on to the mood change, the memories so silently
Fall away, they crash right through and hit the people below
Tragic loss
In your death, you grew –
If I only knew?

Counting

I never imagined the shadows surrounding me.

In truth they only appear in obstruction,
sliding over my childhood hiding places
And blending into the natural midnight air.

If I see them, they see me; we turn together
And hide as the same in contrasting harmony.
Dancing, swirling to the cry of the turbulence
In patterns of illumination – On and off.

Knees bent, in the usual corner
I place my fingers on my inner self to catch –
Find reason for this enveloping misery.

Waking levitation

I saw myself six months ago
In a dream that kept me awake;
So striking the resemblance
But really not me at all; at least
A person I will only hear about.

I simply will not go back
To the place that brings me home;
Six foot above the covers, looking down
To a motionless body; So beautiful
But something I will never see.

I know I will be back of course
Hopefully on my terms this time;
Asleep with my thoughts to myself
Alone; A world view in an eye
Searching for the answers.

Forever fantasising in Rhythm
With the noise firmly behind me;
Held back without force or effort
Into a tearful night; Crying out
From the waking levitation.

New Shorts

Old shorts, love them with a passion
They just fit; Years of hard work
But change is inevitable.
Worn though, tragic times of laziness
Kept alive with a feeling of uniqueness
But change can be good.
Today I had a delivery
In a shiny, silly box.

I really loved my old shorts.

Bring Out The Best In Me

I studied the sky intently with a borrowed suit
Designed to wait in the way required by them
However, I could barely stand up straight.
The wind whistled the tune of change in us all;
Difference was hard to spot, but noticeable.
I straightened my silver tie and watched.

Today is a delegation, A kind of meeting;
Awaiting the masters who have always controlled us,
Kept us safe, stopped us from moving too quickly.
I suppose I should be grateful for the envious honour
To greet, parade and welcome the Overseer
Into their world of limitless Joy in the castles.

My feet clicked and my back engulfed me;
Just stand and smile while taking it all in
To show the world what peace really looks like.
After all, I don’t suppose people even noticed a war,
There was no rubble, no burning buildings of hate.
It was an extermination of our disorder; Priceless.

My first guess was that we needed to be taught a lesson;
A demonstration of mechanised efficiency so valuable,
So understandable to live in the castles with pride.
I can turn and see these rounded marvels of steel;
Forged with precision and undeniable authority
Making sure we stand where are with our silver ties.

When the night is as dark as graphite, they appear.
It is almost routine to hear the buzz before your eyes
Adjust – whether with tears or the clouds of dust accumulated.
Emotions aside, here they are and here I am; sold
To the natural way of life, Inside the tall towers.
I sometimes wonder what living on the outside is like.

My ancestors were slimy in their intent; Dominating
With their thoughts of world supremacy – Metal Bullets.
The delegation is a sign of change and continuity all in one;
The Earth is not big enough for two contrasts; stigma.
We sit and take it all in while the mechanised control
And tell us what we are thinking with a sense of purpose.

There are two types of person; we are told this all the time.