Pushing People Away

I experience Love Everyday;
I reach out to touch it,
To see the essence of friends
In warm embrace is heartening.

No more than a stroll away
Their smiles are infectious;
They glide through the air
To reach what they have been seeking.

The second-hand experience –
I love seeing people happy;
But I wonder if this is enough
To be happy Inside artificially.

The crying ache of an opposite –
A loveable soul that I would tell everything.
It has never been further away;
And when I reach out,
I See myself, everyday.

It has never been enough;
It never will be enough;
While in the surrounding embrace
We move away together.

Red Loop

​I wiped my brow and sobbed –

Everything is clean and fresh.

Today, the machine was complete;

A portal into the past, wow!

I will choose simplicity; two days ago –

I would still be working, finishing up;

What a surprise I would be to myself!

The strain of completion drains us all,

We obsess with perfection; dull pain

And headaches bleeding into the corner.

Ah yes, two days ago, how could I forget –

A test run to warm the components 

Complete with Shiny metal contortions.

I don’t remember why I struck out,

Just seemed unnatural, crawling through

With arm extended – grinning horror.

I just kept hitting until all stopped

And there lay a pool of my future.

Had to forget…keep believing….

Change the subject and remove the stains

That fate is surely nonsense… breakdown

Of atoms that can change in seconds.

Momentarily I was not myself;

Should never have been so close

To the hammer….my eyes were alive!

Heart was beating, pounding –

And then all was quiet. Success.

I will offer my hand in friendship and smile

And it will finally be over.

Bring Out The Best In Me

I studied the sky intently with a borrowed suit
Designed to wait in the way required by them
However, I could barely stand up straight.
The wind whistled the tune of change in us all;
Difference was hard to spot, but noticeable.
I straightened my silver tie and watched.

Today is a delegation, A kind of meeting;
Awaiting the masters who have always controlled us,
Kept us safe, stopped us from moving too quickly.
I suppose I should be grateful for the envious honour
To greet, parade and welcome the Overseer
Into their world of limitless Joy in the castles.

My feet clicked and my back engulfed me;
Just stand and smile while taking it all in
To show the world what peace really looks like.
After all, I don’t suppose people even noticed a war,
There was no rubble, no burning buildings of hate.
It was an extermination of our disorder; Priceless.

My first guess was that we needed to be taught a lesson;
A demonstration of mechanised efficiency so valuable,
So understandable to live in the castles with pride.
I can turn and see these rounded marvels of steel;
Forged with precision and undeniable authority
Making sure we stand where are with our silver ties.

When the night is as dark as graphite, they appear.
It is almost routine to hear the buzz before your eyes
Adjust – whether with tears or the clouds of dust accumulated.
Emotions aside, here they are and here I am; sold
To the natural way of life, Inside the tall towers.
I sometimes wonder what living on the outside is like.

My ancestors were slimy in their intent; Dominating
With their thoughts of world supremacy – Metal Bullets.
The delegation is a sign of change and continuity all in one;
The Earth is not big enough for two contrasts; stigma.
We sit and take it all in while the mechanised control
And tell us what we are thinking with a sense of purpose.

There are two types of person; we are told this all the time.

Papers

He said to me, casually
One day at a time
While checking his Gold Watch
And noting the observers.

The robotic station was evident
White sheets drawn up
With a memorandum of intentions
That never work for me.

Those eyes: So understanding
That things really will get better –
But not today, not here
And not surrounded by papers.

A brush and wave; A pat
And then it was done – Monthly
No more words were ever needed
None was ever going to be given.

I leave, we all leave together
Judging the situation around us –
The sun is still high in the clouds
As I sit and wait for the next one.

I wish I could float

I wish I could float
Taller than the sky below
To see the curvature;
Wave at the windows
Inside the little dome.

Arms apart, Hands free
Feet shaking uncontrollably
As the world zooms in;
A mirror of the pain below
Moving further away.

Swimming through Air
In the midst of treading
Cycling with childish grace;
Tears running down my face
To keep up and follow.

I see what I need to
When I’m nearer the stars
And nothing is up here;
Wilderness can be bliss
Looking down at colour.

Somewhere up here anyway
I aim to see the past
That the ground seems to miss;
Violent struggles of time
Spat out into the air to catch.

I wish I could float
To see the line of thoughts
Sadly erased from memory;
Hidden, controlled and lasting
Waving back at me.

I float, I see; we all see.
When I reach what I’m looking for
Crash.

Go steady

A sprinkling of emotion onto these eyes
Will make it all go away;
In time you realise the decision is made
Without even speaking a word.
No care in the world to deliver
If a cure is on the other side;
No heartbreak from the stick-men
If everyone is cured the same way.
Judge me when you reach the heights
that we supposedly all aspire;
The truth is hard but blunt and fair –
The path is the same for everyone.

Laughter Of Language

If there was anything left that I could hold onto
No matter how hard it was to translate;
I would do so in a skip of a heartbeat
Even though it would probably end me.

If only the translation was acceptable enough
That communication was bearable in this mess;
Surprises always trickle around this old corner
And reveal themselves as another boundary.

Laughter is the new normality of communication
When all is escaping into a flurry of voices;
If only the words could be concise to sentence
Swearing that the farewell is a common embrace.

The Storm that Guides

Every-time it storms I feel refreshed
As though the world is somehow connected
To my Understanding of the body
That holds me back so often.

Just thinking makes things happen;
I laugh and the neighbourhood is bright;
Go out for a meal and the pavements
Appreciate the attention – with a snigger.
If I cry, the Earth inhales and spits;
Holding me in a whirlpool, centrally –
Until I am able to leave the room
And start all over again.

Yes, I certainly am connected,
Like a vein of pollution shuddering;
Aiming to contaminate to the heart
Until Arrest; And the pain that follows.
All I receive is the waste product;
The filth of memories past – They weep
When they are presented; emotionless.

Every-time the clouds part; severed –
I am not involved at all in the process.
I crawl under the recess and explain
To myself that I have no control this time.
Sometimes I have to face the weather;
Clearly happy with events – Masking.
Brave face and shaking hands; Firm.

Deep within the void I am already dead.
I died when I couldn’t control the clouds
And hid this from myself with a passion;
As though everything was because of me.

I am a self-centered, crazy bastard.

No more

If I was stable enough for any practicable period of time –
I think I would call this a relationship too.
The fact I relay this shows my intent
But it’s not to be; I will never be normal enough
To call it what you want me to.

Two way

Keeping tabs on laughter
Holding on to purse strings
Limiting desire –
You know it’s all I want to do now,
You know it’s all I want to see –
How, making me feel easy
Blanking out with staring
Watching for the first hand –
We share exactly what we want now,
We share out memories and time –
Show, hiding all our good days
Beating up with talking
Hurting from the inside –
My struggle kills off my true feelings
My struggle ends my hopes and dreams –
Seems, hating all the movement
Shielded from the real life
Laying down and sleeping.