Nightmare

Sometimes I have to question my own Questions –
Second guessing what I think, then hoping that My conclusion is some kind of rationale. In truth, I cannot really ever trust my own instincts as sometimes I think the most ridiculous things that at the time are perfectly reasonable to me.

I think I am the personification of what a bloody nightmare would look like if you could write it down on paper. It’s so hard to keep track of everything and I suppose I’m reasonably lucky to have a half-reasonable intelligence to try to make logic of it all.

How can you trust your own logic when by definition, you are capable of illogical thoughts that seem reasonable? The signs are there but sometimes alas, it is impossible. It is a nightmare. There is no other word for it.

Pushing People Away

I experience Love Everyday;
I reach out to touch it,
To see the essence of friends
In warm embrace is heartening.

No more than a stroll away
Their smiles are infectious;
They glide through the air
To reach what they have been seeking.

The second-hand experience –
I love seeing people happy;
But I wonder if this is enough
To be happy Inside artificially.

The crying ache of an opposite –
A loveable soul that I would tell everything.
It has never been further away;
And when I reach out,
I See myself, everyday.

It has never been enough;
It never will be enough;
While in the surrounding embrace
We move away together.

Learning

Well 2017 is just around that familiar corner,

So what have I learned?

What can I bring into the new year to guide me?

It’s odd, but the same answer crops up.

I bring myself; that is achievement enough.

Tragic loss – Up and Down

I wonder
How people fly within themselves to be stronger, to grip those wings and carry on
past the sky, With Floating colours streaming down through our lives
Gliding high
Grounded pathways, true –
It was not for you.

We see him
When sun shines bright to pierce our hearts we remember, of all the highs afflicted us
Like a drug, A burst of reasons not to follow it through
Highs and lows
Yes, we know the path –
It was not to last.

I fear her
In equal measure holding on to the mood change, the memories so silently
Fall away, they crash right through and hit the people below
Tragic loss
In your death, you grew –
If I only knew?

Suppression

Into my Dreams
I see what needs to be seen every night
In its simplist forms within gravitation, flashing
Over my head and sliding out the pieces.
Large indentations of feeling, suppressed moments
Of a time when pushing deeper into the recess
was almost a certainty – necessary.
Some float low, taking an interest with attraction;
The higher beams – Clouds in the eyes; frustrating
To ultimately be unreachable.

Seeing into this little world with eyes wide and aloud –
The skin can sit somewhat softer when needed.
In reality there is no hope to access when awake,
What is needed when you are really Wide open.
Drifting horrors of twenty years past stay high –
They must; that is their purpose, they imprint pain
Without swooping down to suffer again.
No, they stay put within me, outside me,
While I feel what needs to be felt
To drift off for another watery-eyed night.

This is how it is everywhere;
This is how I can survive.

New Shorts

Old shorts, love them with a passion
They just fit; Years of hard work
But change is inevitable.
Worn though, tragic times of laziness
Kept alive with a feeling of uniqueness
But change can be good.
Today I had a delivery
In a shiny, silly box.

I really loved my old shorts.

Bring Out The Best In Me

I studied the sky intently with a borrowed suit
Designed to wait in the way required by them
However, I could barely stand up straight.
The wind whistled the tune of change in us all;
Difference was hard to spot, but noticeable.
I straightened my silver tie and watched.

Today is a delegation, A kind of meeting;
Awaiting the masters who have always controlled us,
Kept us safe, stopped us from moving too quickly.
I suppose I should be grateful for the envious honour
To greet, parade and welcome the Overseer
Into their world of limitless Joy in the castles.

My feet clicked and my back engulfed me;
Just stand and smile while taking it all in
To show the world what peace really looks like.
After all, I don’t suppose people even noticed a war,
There was no rubble, no burning buildings of hate.
It was an extermination of our disorder; Priceless.

My first guess was that we needed to be taught a lesson;
A demonstration of mechanised efficiency so valuable,
So understandable to live in the castles with pride.
I can turn and see these rounded marvels of steel;
Forged with precision and undeniable authority
Making sure we stand where are with our silver ties.

When the night is as dark as graphite, they appear.
It is almost routine to hear the buzz before your eyes
Adjust – whether with tears or the clouds of dust accumulated.
Emotions aside, here they are and here I am; sold
To the natural way of life, Inside the tall towers.
I sometimes wonder what living on the outside is like.

My ancestors were slimy in their intent; Dominating
With their thoughts of world supremacy – Metal Bullets.
The delegation is a sign of change and continuity all in one;
The Earth is not big enough for two contrasts; stigma.
We sit and take it all in while the mechanised control
And tell us what we are thinking with a sense of purpose.

There are two types of person; we are told this all the time.

Papers

He said to me, casually
One day at a time
While checking his Gold Watch
And noting the observers.

The robotic station was evident
White sheets drawn up
With a memorandum of intentions
That never work for me.

Those eyes: So understanding
That things really will get better –
But not today, not here
And not surrounded by papers.

A brush and wave; A pat
And then it was done – Monthly
No more words were ever needed
None was ever going to be given.

I leave, we all leave together
Judging the situation around us –
The sun is still high in the clouds
As I sit and wait for the next one.

I wish I could float

I wish I could float
Taller than the sky below
To see the curvature;
Wave at the windows
Inside the little dome.

Arms apart, Hands free
Feet shaking uncontrollably
As the world zooms in;
A mirror of the pain below
Moving further away.

Swimming through Air
In the midst of treading
Cycling with childish grace;
Tears running down my face
To keep up and follow.

I see what I need to
When I’m nearer the stars
And nothing is up here;
Wilderness can be bliss
Looking down at colour.

Somewhere up here anyway
I aim to see the past
That the ground seems to miss;
Violent struggles of time
Spat out into the air to catch.

I wish I could float
To see the line of thoughts
Sadly erased from memory;
Hidden, controlled and lasting
Waving back at me.

I float, I see; we all see.
When I reach what I’m looking for
Crash.

Go steady

A sprinkling of emotion onto these eyes
Will make it all go away;
In time you realise the decision is made
Without even speaking a word.
No care in the world to deliver
If a cure is on the other side;
No heartbreak from the stick-men
If everyone is cured the same way.
Judge me when you reach the heights
that we supposedly all aspire;
The truth is hard but blunt and fair –
The path is the same for everyone.