Tissue

Tissue

Every time I look back I see
whatever the hurt gave me.
Unfortunately this is the past
and is a part of my skin – ever growing
ever consuming and always refreshing.

That stain of time is in everything –
Opinion, questioning; the impression.
The birthmark of a judgement
Visible by my closest friend to judge.
They will always make their own opinion.

If I should taste bitterness; an exception
to the rule of equal treatment –
We are always here to remark on others
which is the way it will always be,
until the scar becomes a part of you.

Acceptance is the flesh that is never seen –
Fever flowing through a bursting vein.
I can improve and will try with a passion
in time things will be better – optimism
But it appears a long way away.

In-between worlds

In-between worlds

When tomorrow comes as we all know it will
Seven hours and counting
to be the master again in my own place and time,
tomorrow.

Splashes of green that cannot be confused
and yet give the impression they are trying;
forcing through, though failing
Setting time.

Into the beams of a constant imagination
it is easy to fathom why, just why
the twisted sticks that sprout a confused state
cannot understand.

As six hours pass, some sleep maybe.
It seems to all be the same anyway; after all –
the colours are blended into brown (in time)
so I sleep with a certain, confused satisfaction.

Saturday.

March -horrible experience.

Time to talk day February 4th 2016.

 

I don’t remember the year but i used to write a great deal when i was feeling really low. It really helped me, however this one in particular hits a chord as it was a particularly bad day; i will say no more about that but i think archive memories are somewhat poignant. Just a little snippet as i don’t want to bore people with shoddy poetry!

 

March

Hopeless, endless
I fought back the tears
I paint a smile for everyone to see.

Wanting, breaking
everything I do
to keep myself together grinds me down.

Words of meaning
Numbness feeling cold
To formulate a plan and no return.

Happy, upbeat
Thrilled at my disguise
The pain in which I suffer is now gone.

I will learn to live on my own in the end.
I will learn to fight to keep myself alive.
I don’t want to feel joy like this anymore.
I know someday this weakness will hurt me more.