Bipolar stuggle with Others

If there was someway to have another chance
I would explain the pain that affects my mind
Causing you to see me badly at first glance
Yet without your understanding I am blind.

I am a product of my experience
Of acting a certain way towards people –
At times I may seem like I’m delirious
Though when I’m in my state I really can’t tell.

Is there really anyway to show you this?
To fight through my struggles and glimpse through the sheet?
Bipolar is difficult; you don’t process
With regularity; Midtones with concrete.

You know this, I know this; but it’s not easy
To accept a life knowing my moods don’t stay –
They whisk around and follow me completely;
I wake and see you, so face another day.

 

 

Confusing Day In The Life Of A Nobody

Hello? Can you see me? Thought not.
Of course, this is the way it should be,
As it always will. I transform and shed –
My skin – A part of what hides me.
As much as I can tell, this invisible
Sideways motion impacts little. Stand –
In the corner – amused by the rush,
The panic of generations; wow!
Hiya. Greetings from nowhere; Look –
Towards the end of the road; eternity
That spills over to the other side,
Twisting and crunching into place.
I can see this clearly; marble eyes –
Unfazed by the bloom of noise.

For one day only I see everything.

Nobody is better than somebody
Who grows old, takes pain and yearns.
Somebody is better than everybody –
In unison with the mechanical life;
Glaring over the land with suspicion.

For today I am a Nobody; Tomorrow –
I settle down and probably chat.
I join the community and become…
Whatever they tell me.

No more

If I was stable enough for any practicable period of time –
I think I would call this a relationship too.
The fact I relay this shows my intent
But it’s not to be; I will never be normal enough
To call it what you want me to.

Trust

Today I invented a time machine.
I powered it up and turned it on,
It buzzed with a ferocious venom.
Suddenly, a figure appeared –
Through the cloud he was there.
He was me.
Stunned, I realised this was the future.
I was staring at a wiser, older me.
So many questions to ask,
So many problems to solve –
But he was not here for chit-chat;
In fact only six words were said

‘Do not go through the machine.’

Then as quickly as that, Vanished.
Needless to say I was disappointed.
After all, in the future surely
I will have to go through, simply
to warn my younger self, like today.
Dilemma.
But I won’t let it bother me.
I will trust my future self,
Turn the machine off
And live my life.

But I always wondered.
What was I trying to warn myself?
What was so important that demanded
Traveling through time?
The mind ticked over as years passed;
The machine a dusty relic in the corner.

I am now about that age.
Older, wiser and still alert; I trust
Myself not to time travel, even to the past.
But I cannot help but turn the machine on –
Just for old time’s sake.
The buzzing was familiar.
Do I complete the chain? But why?
There is nothing to warn my younger self.

Suddenly a figure appeared –
Through the cloud he was there.
He was me.
Stunned, I realised this was the future.
I was staring at a wiser, older me.
Why was he here? Why did I travel?
But he was not here for chit-chat;
In fact only six words were said

‘I beg you, use the Machine.’

Two way

Keeping tabs on laughter
Holding on to purse strings
Limiting desire –
You know it’s all I want to do now,
You know it’s all I want to see –
How, making me feel easy
Blanking out with staring
Watching for the first hand –
We share exactly what we want now,
We share out memories and time –
Show, hiding all our good days
Beating up with talking
Hurting from the inside –
My struggle kills off my true feelings
My struggle ends my hopes and dreams –
Seems, hating all the movement
Shielded from the real life
Laying down and sleeping.

As We Set

Blue veil of promising warmth
Holding everything inside,
Beaming through the radiance
Searing lifeforce far and wide.

Red patterns of stained heat,
A mark of seasons length.
Sweeping down to strike you
For tagging on to strength.

The white air of day
Draws you in with light,
Seagulls know the true
Path – Try as they might.

Grey matter floating –
Blending into chalk
To create madness
Within careless talk.

Deep rouge without foundation
Blanketing the walls in silence.
Mixing everything in place
Within the compound balance.

And then we go to sleep,
To dream of merrier times –
Between the conscious.

One

One night was all it took
The magic kept us there
All colour in the air
I begged you take a look.

One time to tell the truth
Discover all our wants
Then confess all our Haunts
And reminisce Our Youth.

One chance to feel your form
Will I be ready now
The golden Air somehow
Will calm the mindless storm.

Both minds merged into one
The rush of feeling flow
Her words an afterglow
Of what had just begun.

We call to hearts abound
Why do they grant this touch
Of memories so much
They twist us all around.

One night of calm embrace
To feel you on my skin
The sound of violin
Your blanket windswept face.

Two days of keeping faith
And closing all the doors
I knew that when I swore
I promised all I gave.

One moment’s not enough
The laughter filled the air
To smell and stroke your hair
Discovered I’m in Love.

Do or Die

 

Freezing over a lifeless event
A photo of imagination,
Reality is a memory of static
With tape to bind you.

Lying is such a hurtful embrace
A burning eye of unsightly Green,
Fantasy is walking forever without hope
With friends to hold you.

Clinging on to what matters the most
A mutual, unfamiliar hand,
Freedom is choosing to be happy at this time
Without the worry.

In the Maze

The compulsory entrance begins
In beats and growls; It breathes
With your motion, Understanding time
And dimension are out.

Stuttering in an endless Circle
With overgrown Orchards,
Reminding you of your location
And why you are now here.

I suppose in life we all get Lost
Ending up where we are.
Indeed, I see everyone standing –
Guessing what to do next.

Walk

I laid my skin from meadow fields
Streaming rivers and life-blood unveiled
Gold-sparkling puddles, footprints of heart
A chosen memory, a work of Art.